What was I living through, feeling and thinking about? What did my body know while I was making decisions as a painter that led to this final image?
A lot of painters, contemporary and historical, paint the way I do. They use the conscious and unconscious parts of their mind to create an image on canvas that depicts one idea on the surface while simultaneously communicating on a more direct level.
The unconscious to me is like my soul, my memories, my body, and the immediate experience at that moment of painting. It is my energy, heart, feelings and whole body, including the memory of my hands that have gained skills and knowledge, such that they can work automatically ahead of the conscious mind. It is here where the idea and the decision making process of my paintings develop.
I start my pieces once a complete image and idea for the canvas becomes clear to me. I work to show the mystery and imaginary aspects of the painting while at the same time portraying a clear and simple image of form, space and light that a viewer can instantly see and delve into more deeply.
This painting shows a male and female of the same age on a beach, the male is asleep and the female is awake. There are two cupcakes with sprinkles on them, a seagull and a rather faint life saver floating in the water. The weather is nice.
This piece was inspired by my parents.
My father is 88 years old, he has survived pancreatic cancer for over a decade. Back then it was unusual for anyone to survive this type of cancer for so long and it still is. Recently, he was also diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and now battles on with only part of his pancreas, yet his mind has never been affected by either disease.
My mother developed dementia only a few years ago. She used to take care of my father in their home when he developed Parkinson’s. I helped when I could, yet their love for one another was stronger than it had ever been during this time, an affection they’ve had for each other throughout their 60 years of marriage.
Both parents moved from their house into assisted living. They are together. I no longer experience my mother the way I did all my life. She sleeps a great deal, we can chat about things and she understands our conversations, but doesn’t remember them a few moments later. She knows me, hugs me, and is near my father, who remains her beloved.
I see myself as the female in the painting and my father, as a male in my life who I worry could be either asleep or dying and need of rescue. I also see the female as my mother, and me as the seagull (or dreamer) who envisions her being full of health and back in my life. I see the female as Mary and the male as Jesus and the entire painting as a Pieta.
The cupcakes represent the young couple, with hope for life and love in all its dimensions.